It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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