Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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