I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
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My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
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not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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