you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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