Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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