i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize