If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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