I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize