Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
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He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
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But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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