I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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