well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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