Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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