I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I touched a dick in church today
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize