dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
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throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
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No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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