I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
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When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
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Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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