i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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