I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I currently don't understand fingers.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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