My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
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My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
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Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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