I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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