What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
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I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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