so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
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This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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