This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize