just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Randomize