margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize