It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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