Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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