He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
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Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
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Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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