Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
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I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
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Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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