I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
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its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
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Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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