Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
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I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
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she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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