My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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