You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize