I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
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I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
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I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
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