I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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