There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
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She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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