The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
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you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
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How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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