1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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