half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
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Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
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Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm always down for nudity.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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