Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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