im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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