This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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