Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize