I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
zippers are such a cool invention
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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