Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Randomize