She is in my trunk
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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