9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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