Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize