Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize