I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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