if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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